The Secret (AKA Aurie Shouldn't Write Parodies)
by Auroran Flash
Summary: Ehem. Written to try to stir up convo in my ML last year after it slowed down.. cough. 9_9 Mild yaoi. Nothing graphic.


Cloud sat at the kitchen table of a fancy hotel, sipping his morning coffee while his thoughts drifted from place to place.  
AVALANCHE had pooled their money together to rent a nice, large hotel for once; no one had to sleep on the couch for a change, there were no bickerings and accusations over who had taken the last donut. Cloud was relieved that he didn't have to hunt Yuffie down to find out where she had hid the box of chocolate glazed again. He sipped a cup of warm brew, shifting in his chair for comfort, and began to think about the past few days.  
  
Morale had been low and it was agreed that the group needed a little recuperation and time away from the pressures of Sephiroth hunting; Besides, knowing Sephiroth, he was probably on his hands and knees with a magnifying glass in Cosmo Canyon, searching for the Promised Land. His last words to them hadn't been that coherant when they had met him in Nibelheim...:  
  
**With a black marble in one hand and a Frappuccino in the other, Sephiroth raised his fists to the sky and let out a monstrous cackle. "With Promised Land finding thee going there yes! God become will I! Me nothing is stopping! WRATH MY FEEL! HAHAHAHA~!" And with those haunting, encrypted words, Sephiroth's demonic form shot off into the night. ... well, he would have if he had been outside. Instead, deep underground in the Shinra Mansion basement, Sephiroth plowed head first into the ceiling, scattering wood and cobwebs every which way. In his ascent of acharnement and madness, Seph didn't really seem to mind the plaster and other such things that littered the normally pristine, moonlit silver hair he sported. As Cloud looked up through the hole in the ceiling, he could see tiny bits from Sephiroth's leather uniform hanging off of the splintered wood..*  
  
Cloud shuddered, merely recalling it.  
  
There had been much more tranquility between AVALANCHE's members since they had settled down in their hotel rooms, meeting only for breakfast in the morning and dinner at night while leaving the rest of their days free to roam about and do what they wish. Good relationships had been re-established with everyone now that they all had been given Personal Space Time. Everybody was buddy-buddy and ready to go back to work, .. everybody, except for two people.  
  
Those two rested heavily on Cloud's mind as he took a long soothing, sip of his coffee.  
  
The door swung open and without much introduction, Tifa walked torpidly into the kitchen, slippers flopping against the tile while she covered a yawn with her hands. "Hey Cloud. Is there any fresh coffee? RedXIII decided it would be fun to try some and he drank out of the pot downstairs. I'm CERTAINLY not drinking out of it now..."  
  
"Yeah, there's some on the stove. Help yourself," Cloud gestured to said pot and returned to his brewing, both physical and mental.  
  
"Thanks." She trodded over to do just that, eyelids still heavy with sleep. Tifa /was/ awake enough, though, to sense the thoughtful tone in Cloud's voice. After pouring a cup of coffee into her mug, she slid into a chair across from Cloud, hoping that the fact she had not been invited to would go ignored.   
  
Resting her chin in her palm, she asked,"What's wrong, Cloud?"  
  
Cloud bit his lip a little and looked down at his hands, slightly cold from the chilly weather; He wrapped them around his warm coffee mug to help resurrect some feeling in them, but he didn't mind keeping his thoughtful gaze on them while he spoke. "Nothing really. I'm worried about Vincent and Cid. They're both acting so strangely around each other."  
  
"I haven't noticed..," Tifa replied, a bit surprised.  
  
"Yeah..." He scratched behind his ear and leaned his cheek against his hand, almost mimicking Tifa's pose. "They've been giving each other these intense stares over the dinner table and yesterday, they didn't show up at all! I think they're avoiding each other."  
  
"Huh... Maybe, though I thought they always got along well? Vincent seems to look up to Cid a little..."  
  
"Perhaps, but something's definitely happened.." Cloud's brows furrowed and his expression turned somber. "And it's my job as leader of AVALANCHE to settle their dispute, for the good of the mission."  
  
Tifa sweatdropped. "Don't get a big head, Cloud..."  
  
The blonde pointedly ignored her and shoved himself up from the table. "Have they come down to breakfast yet?"  
  
"No... But I heard some scuffling coming from Vincent's room. I wonder what's going on? Vincent's usually the quiet one."  
  
"Oh Ramuh, I hope they're not having a confrontation.." Tifa saw the fret in Cloud's eyes; He struck an urgent pose. Tifa sweatdropped further.  
  
"I don't think we should interrupt them, really-"  
  
"What do you know about men, Tifa? You're a girl- you don't know how dangerous these fights can get!"  
  
The chocolate-haired girl huffed and stood as well, hands on her hips. {As if fights between women can't get vicious..} she thought irritatedly to herself, all the while having a mental image - one forever burned into her head - of the time she had caught Aeris deeply inhaling a piece of Cloud's clothing while he had been bathing in a nearby river; Boy had she walloped that little flower girl bimbo for that one. {Oh yes, Cloud thought that Aeris had been clawed by a wild chocobo, but in truth, TWAS MYYYY NAILS her bloody skin lay under! Muahahaa---er...herm.} Tifa's mind stopped in mid-rant and she assumed her irritated feminine-elitist attitude toward Cloud.  
  
"Well then, why don't we just SEE what Vincent and Cid are doing? I bet you 50 gil that they're mauling each other like beasts as you say they are."  
  
Cloud frowned, taking his turn at being irritated. "The only way to know is to go and see for ourselves!"  
  
And off they went, marching out the door in their bathrobes and slippers, beverages forgotten.  
  
  
A few moments later, Cloud & Tifa had made their way down the hallway to Vincent's door. They managed to slip by undetected (Well, except for their momentary confrontation with a wired RedXIII....   
**RedXIII: WOO!! *running on the walls, leaving a trail of smoke and speed marks behind*)) and now, the two were crouched with their ears to the door while plaid bathrobes billowed in the wind (created by RedXIII as he dashed by) around their bare legs.   
  
"I can't hear what they're saying!"   
  
"Maybe if you can push your breasts down from your ears for a minute.."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Quiet! Just listen!..."  
  
Several moments passed and all the eavesdroppers recieved were a few scuffles and a 'thump' from inside the enigmatic room. The two began to lose hope- for all they knew, tall, gloomy Vincent was just putting on his shoes.   
But alas! Patience is a virtue, .....- ( yeah, if you can get that lesson from this fic, then go for it.) - and Cloud and Tifa heard heavy shifting from within. The next moment, a male voice rose above the din of silence.  
***  
"You're just asking for it, aren't you?"  
  
"You bet I am." Vincent's silky-soft reply came without hesitation.  
***  
"See!" Cloud nudged Tifa a bit with his elbow anxiously. "They are fighting!"  
  
"Shhhh! I can't hear, Cloud!"  
  
The two pressed their ears more firmly against the door and listened harder.  
***  
"You've been a little too smug lately, Vincent! I think it's about time I put you in your place!"  
  
"Go ahead and try, Cid. I'd like to see it."  
***  
"They ARE fighting!" Cloud whispered desperately. Then, of course, he added, "You owe me 50 gil."  
  
Tifa snorted and used Cloud's head to shove the blonde's spiky ear to the door again. "Let's make sure of this; if we bust in there, we're not going to know for sure WHAT had been happening!"  
  
"Fine, fine.."  
  
***  
There was a clang from within, like a rattle.... chains, perhaps? /Was Cid going to whip him to death with a chain?!/ A threatening growl trailed at the end of the disturbing sound. "It's your ass or mine, Vamp boy!"  
  
"Mine.."  
.....had that been a question or a statement..?  
***  
  
"That's it!" Cloud said, heroic leadership rushing into his voice. Tifa blinked widely and recoiled as Cloud backed up to the end of the hallway and charged the door with a mighty cry.   
  
Instead of the door swinging open or coming off it's hinges, wood shattered upon impact; a 5'7" spiky Cloud-shaped hole met Tifa's eyes as she uncovered them and rested a hand on the doorway. She sighed deeply and peeked in, just as little bruised Cloud was getting to his feet.  
  
The sight in front of them sent their maws a-danglin'.  
  
Vincent and Cid were lying in bed, Cid latched onto (and into) Vinny like a cat clinging to a giant bag of pale raven-haired catnip. The two men had snapped their heads in the direction of Cloud as he came crashing through their door; now they had a second intruder to deal with.  
  
"Uhm.. err... I.." Tifa flustered, having a fraction of sense left in her to cover her hanging mouth with a hand. "Oh my!"  
  
"Uhhhhhh...." Cloud drawled.  
  
Vincent responded to the situation in the like - he went dumb and had developed a full-body blush.  
  
Cid responded quite intelligently compared to the rest of them:  
  
"SHIT!"  
  
"I thought you were having a fight.." Cloud (now blushing) said uncomfortably as he hurriedly got to his feet.  
  
"......You may call it that." replied Vincent quietly.  
  
"Damn! Finally, when we got a fucking moment to ourself!" blared Cid. The pale man under Cid paid the stubbly blonde no heed and blinked at Cloud. "It's chilly in here, now that we have the shape of you printed in our door. Since you broke it, it seems only fit that you give us your door. Cloud, would you please go downstairs and retrieve your door for us?"  
  
"..Uh, sure." Cloud was just glad for the excuse to get out of there. He whipped around, timidly stepped through the splintered outline he had made and dashed almost as quickly as RedXIII on coffee down the hallway. Tifa sweatdropped and smiled nervously at the couple.   
  
"I think... I'll go help him. See you lat--..er, uhm, ..maybe not. ^^;"  
  
The girl took off after Cloud, leaving a trail of dust in her wake.  
  
Both Cid and Vincent blinked at each other.  
  
"What odd people.." Vincent commented.  
  
"Ah, screw them. Where were we?"  
  
"Somewhere..... along the lines of, oh,...right here I think."  
  
"Ugh.. Oh, damn, Vincent, that feels good.."  
  
  
And so you see, not even clods nor women with watermelons strapped to their chest can hinder true love between men on vacation.   
  
To FF-yaoi, have a very merry Christmas ^_____^ The end. 


End file.
